If you have not seen the row of maples next to the Henry Barnard School, you definitely should. Wait for the next sunny day, and go. It is the beginning season of almost unbearable beauty. The color, the smell, the lazy movement of those leaves – all this will awake some wonderful memory of another fall, a memory you forgot you had. I remember my leafy Siberian places. I remember the contrast between the dark-haired pines, arrogantly ignoring the autumn, and the blond and read-haired deciduous species, desperately flaunting their new dresses, and shedding them at the same time.
Our minds are more likely to keep good memories and suppress bad ones. But there isn’t nearly enough memories floating on the surface, - not enough to feed our emotional selves. That is why you should go and see the maples next to HBS. They are available all the time, no appointment necessary.
That is what I do when I am tired or lose focus. We all have deal with many complicated tasks, with people who are just too many and too much, with lack of time, and with some nonsense that has to be done anyway. This entire onslaught we call life nowadays. This is not what human beings were originally designed to do. Our ape ancestors did not know multitasking, speed reading, report writing and deadlines. So we tend to lose the ability to remember why we’re doing all those things, and concentrate on the how they must be done. Maybe you’re different, but I need remindters. The how is an important question, but without the why it quickly runs out of room, corners itself, panics and becomes unanswerable.
And what I discovered over the years, is that the why does not reside in one’s beliefs, or priorities, or in jobs or whatever else looks like a reasonable habitat for the whys. No, the why resides in the maple tree leaves, and can be found there in most sunny October days. Of course, your why maybe living in a different place than mine; I just know they all like to hide and love to be found. It’s the hide-and-seek game for the whys; the hows prefer tag.
This is really lovely, Sasha, the last paragraph in particular. Thanks so much for sharing this. I too get tangled up in the why--sometimes it feels like there is a stern taskmaster saying "Because I said so!" and that fires up my resistance. I find myself resisting the how when the why is not immediate and visible; but it's that fuzziness that I need to step into.
ReplyDeleteJanet
Thank you, Sasha. I forgot to look at those trees in front of HBS... sometimes, when the kids are out playing in front of the building, I overhear funny, creative, smart little people engaged in the world. They too remind me about the why. We can't do good work without purpose. I am grateful that you see the why as central to the how. (And that you make me want to write more often, more freely, more reflectively, more publicly!) Thanks. Enjoy your weekend!
ReplyDeleteYou Exaggerate.
ReplyDeleteKathy P.-
ReplyDeleteThe unbearable beauty is also tied to the inexplicable death of those leaves. It is haunting to think that as they die, the leaves give back, in a way, the light of all those days they have soaked up the sunshine. Without looking - all the time- there really is no compelling why.