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Oct 14, 2019

Why some people never reply to your emails, and how to stay cool about it

On every campus I know, a few people can be counted on to never return an email - not soon, not within a week – never. I always wonder why and how do they get away with that? I am sure they reply the President’s messages, but not to mine. It may seem irritating but the world of human communication always contains more shades of meaning.

I think there is a difference in a fundamental assumption about email: some implicitly believe it is an optional, almost superfluous form of communication. If you JUST email, you must not be that serious about it. They believe that not replying is not rude; it is just one of several options. The non-replying means, “If you really need to get a hold of me, call, me, or find me on campus.” The non-replying can also have the meaning of “I am not really interested in answering your question, or engaging in a conversation with you at this time. Please remind me later.” It is because there is no way to say how important your e-mail is. Yes, I know about the High Importance button, but it is reserved for true emergencies. Some readers may perceive this is an overly generous interpretation, but I believe it. I use the non-replying very rarely, and for me it means, “I do not wish to continue this conversation.”

In many cases, senders do not use the important difference between “To” and “CC” fields. In theory, only people in "To" are expected to reply, others are there for information only. In practice, it is all over the place. I do not reply when it is obvious that other people among addressees are in a better position to answer. However, the assumption can be wrong, and none of the addressees answers, because they all assume someone else is in a better position to do that.

Then there is the random error that eats up messages – from accidental deleting, to various devices’ synchronization problems. It is the “sync or swim” world. Statistically, it is quite probable for an error to strike twice or even three time against my messages in your mailbox. However, human mind does not tolerate low-probability coincidences, so after the second error I will think you are ignoring me. The solution is to try again, to write a second message, or to call and follow up. Some tolerance to human and technical errors is essential to a healthy organizational culture.

Some people do not possess good skills in dealing with their email flow. There is a method here. For example, reading e-mail three times helps, counterintuitively. The first time is a quick scan, where you delete junk, or answer those that require no effort to answer quickly. Then you read more substantial emails, but do not respond right away. Your brain will subconsciously work on replies, although it does not seem to be the case. Then, quickly scan again before actually replying. There are also ways of sorting by sender, the Outlook rules, and conversations that help deal with flow of emails. Amazingly few people take advantage of the new federal law on “unsubscribe” link, so their inbox is clogged with spam. If you never see the bottom of your inbox, you should probably learn a few things.

Finally, some people just receive too many emails. Faculty who teach large sections deserve the most sympathy here. Yes, there are many tricks to reduce the flow of student e-mails (most importantly, do not make your syllabus and assignments so confusing). However, student email inflow can be truly overwhelming at times. The rest of us, administrators, should not be getting more than 20-50 emails a day. Getting more is a reason to rethink how you organize your work. This means you are probably not delegating enough, not automating enough, and have become a human bottleneck. Being overwhelmed with emails is nothing to be proud about; I would not recommend bragging about it. It is, rather, a worrying sign.

Even 30 emails will take 2-3 hours to work through, and it is a major portion of our workload. One has to recognize it and plan for the daily task. For example, a day of back-to-back meetings guarantees a second shift at night, reserved just for emails. The shift is lonely and cranky. I’ve learned to never send any important emails at night – they always come out wrong: either too curt, or too vague.

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